just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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