summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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