i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
