i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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