Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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