no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
