We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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