Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i've created a new STD.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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