We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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