You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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