I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
