Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
