You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
