Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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