I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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