ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
