My nipple is on Facebook.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
