Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
