okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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