It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
