If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
