he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
