I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
