There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
