It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
