seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
