Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
