i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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