first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
