Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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