wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
