As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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