Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
