In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
