there was a trapeze. enough said
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
