So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
