yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
