I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Alive.
So much puke
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
