the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
