I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
