I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
