I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Your dad touched me again.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
