My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
