i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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