take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
