When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
