Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
