should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
