My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
