So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
