so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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