I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
